Finding Nicki (Finally Connecting With My Primary Soulmate)

March 7, 2017, 12:50 a.m. | Tagged under love, soulmate

What is a primary soulmate? It is the soul you most regularly incarnate with. In each of your lives, past, present, inbetween, cocurrent and future, that specific person’s soul is interacting with you to some degree. It is not always a romantic connection; however, it is usually always loving. I've kept the following information disjointed or private from youtube and other forums on purpose, because I didn't want crazies messaging me to tell me they are my primary soulmate. Random people have told me they were with me in different lives since uploading my past life video on YT and when I don’t affirm this, they turn around and harass me with comments or emails. Or they ask me in a anxious way if I remember them because they are desperate to have a connection. That’s always awkward, telling someone who is on the verge of tears that I don’t share the idea that we were together previously. I now ignore comments and emails about past lives. Anyway, I’m off track. This post is about finding Nicki who is the soul I most regularly incarnate with. Now, that I found her, I feel more comfortable in sharing. What I will share might sound completely out there and I’m aware of how it might come across. That said, I don’t care how someone else misinterprets my experiences. This post is an invitation to understand my life journey and my perception of it.

Most of you know that I’ve remembered being alive before this life from a very young age. I had a dream at 3 years of age, which I still remember vividly; I heard multiple voices whispering “these aren’t your parents, this isn’t your family.” At 6 y/o there was a trip to Pennsylvania where I became friends with a family friend’s son, named David E. I remember thinking, I remember when I had hair like his and looked like him. David was a blond, Caucasian boy who was the same age as me. I might have even told him this, too. After returning from that trip I had another dream where I was Peter Pan and Jack in the Beanstalk, and David was Maid Marian. He had a veil over his face, was dressed like a girl and acted like one. This dream was amazing to me because everything felt perfect like the role reversal was right. I told my younger sister about the dream after waking up who was 4 or 5 at the time and she said, “you can’t be the boy and David can’t be the girl. That’s not right. That can’t happen.” I was confused about her reaction because it felt RIGHT. Luckily, I didn’t take my younger sister’s childlike understanding to heart. I now believe that this dream was where Nicki’s soul made its first introduction to me as the identity I have in this life. Since I was 6 I’ve been attracted to a boy who presents as a she and I knew it, but had no term for it. I just kept it to myself as a child and teen. When people started talking about liking boys or liking girls, I never truly felt like I was part of the conversation. I still don’t really get heterosexuals and homosexuals -which to me is where someone is attracted to one’s sexual anatomy. I’ve identified with the term pansexual since I was 19, because it honors my 6 year old self’s natural attraction to a trans person. Pansexual means to me that I’m attracted to one’s soul and not their parts, because it is the essence of that person I’m attracted to.

Anywho, back to my story. Life went on, and at 13, as I was being driven home from Andrew’s Air Force base, after my older siblings had been dropped off for some home schooling gathering I didn’t want to attend, the strangest feeling came over me. It’s the same feeling I had right before I started my very frist period. It feels like being dizzy, like I’m out of my body and dreaming, but yet I am awake and that nothing is as it is. I really don’t know how to describe it, only that it happens right before pivotal moments in my life. I believe this sensation happens when I open up more to my soul’s consciousness. At that moment, I saw another life veering off from this life. In the other life I was kidnapped by Mitchell. In that life Mitchell kidnaps me and forces me to pretend to be his brother’s son. Jason, is his brother and becomes my new Dad. In this life, my name is Jesse and I’m a black male. This story kept playing out simultaneously with this life to the point that I wouldn’t always be able to distinguish. It was confusing at that age, so I stopped interacting with people around me from 13-15. Around 15 in the life where I’m Jesse, I’m on a playground swing ignoring Jason as he is talking with Nene, who is his partner. I’m not happy and am at a state of self loathing, I’m depressed and my head is hanging to the ground. All of a sudden I hear a friendly HI. I look up and there is a boy standing in front of me and smiling. He begins to swing next to me, I don’t respond, but he intuitively knows I’m not being rude, I just don’t feel like talking. He continues to talk and I have no reaction until he says something I find funny and I snicker about it. He stops swinging and says, oh so you are listening. He tells me his name is Nicolas and I introduce myself as Jesse. Jason yells for me to come on from across the playground, I ignore him and he eventually he comes over to get me. Jason sees Nicolas with me and is happy. Why? Because we had recently moved and I was depressed. He was afraid I’d never settle into our new home and make new friends. My best friend is Daniel in this life and I’ve been banned from talking to him at this point because we’d recently gotten into trouble.

I introduce Nicolas to Jason as Nicki and call him a she. “This is Nicki, can she join us for ice cream?” I asked Jason. See, every Sunday Jason, Nene and I take a family walk and get ice cream. I hate these walks, but am forced to go along. Anyway, I intuitively know that Nicolas’s gender is female. He looks like a girl to me, but not to others. I see her true essence. Nicki seems shocked that I know that he is a she and doesn’t correct my pronoun. I could write out the whole story, but the main thing is Nicki and I are together for the rest of that life. We raise twin boys named Janiel and Peter, who are biologically mine and another woman who isn’t in the picture after the boys are born. It is a life of drama and trauma, because I’m always in conflict with either Jason, Mitchell or Nene and sometimes our relationship was rocky, but it’s all bearable because I know she'll never leave me. She is the BEST mom to my boys, even though I cheated on her and she becomes a parent at a young age. I’m either 18 or 19 when I have my boys and she is 15 or 16. No matter which life I channel or experience and the name’s we have, I call her soul Nicki, because this is the life I remember the earliest and has the strongest imprint.

How many life times do I remember with Nicki? SEVEN. 1. Jesse and Nicki 2. Connor and Shelah 3. Paxel and K-nine 4. Dot and Me 5. Middle East life 6. Adadasher and Me (Ethiopia) 7. Twins

The earliest life is in this timeline on earth is where she was a eunuch in ancient Ethiopian time with me. This is the same life where I was a priestess and poisoned people. The Jesse and Nicki one is the most prominent. The 2nd most prominent is when I’m Connor and she is Shelah. She is a transsexual in this life. We never have kids in that life and I actually marry Red, also known as Laura who is another regular soulmate. She’s always a redhead and either a male or female in lives, never both. I feel there is still some resentment between Shelah and I for me not choosing her in that life. The Paxel and K-nine life is a future life. Her handle, online name, is K-nine and in this life gaming is everything. The Middle Eastern life, she is given to me by a small village to wed for helping them. She is very young and considered spiritually special because she is again born as an intersexual. I refuse to be intimate with her for years, not because she is intersexual, but because she is too young to me. Again, I feel like there is some resentment for not accepting her immediately. Or maybe, it’s my own regret. The Dot and me life is on another timeline. Her nickname is Dot because she loved wearing polka dots as a toddler. I don’t remember my name, but in this life we are adopted brother and sisters. She is born male and her gender is female. There is another life I’m not sure about, because it almost feels mythological, we are twin girls and I decide to be more male as we grow older. In every life I remember, Nicki is always trans or both sexes as intersex. There are a few lives where I don’t remember her being around like in the Adeth and Payton lives, but that might be because I haven’t received all the details yet. From all these memories though, I formed my own truth, regardless of what I was taught in church. I knew reincarnation was real and being trans or gay wasn’t bad.

And then there is us being together in this life which, up until last year, I wasn’t sure was going to happen. I tell people that I was called to Canada in 2008 and that is partly true. I knew that my primary soulmate was not in the US. As I discovered more about past lives and spirituality I decided that these stories weren’t just my imagination and that they were real, and if that is true, then Nicki is alive somewhere in this life and I could find her. So, the main reason I came to Canada was to find her. I knew she was here, just not specifically where in Canada. I decided to come to Canada at 22 and was here after recently turning 23. I could feel that she was not in the Cranbrook area and Vancouver felt closer to her. I came to Vancouver, but at the time I had decided to date others. In my mid 20s I told Spirit that I wanted to build new karma with souls I’d never interacted with. If I am always incarnating with Nicki, I feel like I should try my hand at being with others. Unfortunately, all of the people I dated in my mid 20s to latter 20s, not including Thaniel and Honeybie, were irrelevant. None of them mattered. That might sound harsh, but I don’t even remember some of their names, what they looked like or sounded like. Once I turned 30 I was determined to be with Nicki. I proclaimed to the Universe to STOP bringing irrelevant people into my life who don’t matter and to bring me my NICKI! I was even a bit upset with Nicki, but felt something must be wrong if I hadn’t found her by now. As a side note, my main Spirit Guide, David Wilson who is my twin flame, many people thought was the one I wanted to be with and that because he is my other half and in the ether, I had consigned myself to not being in a loving relationship in this life. That was never the case. Most of my lives David and I are one and I am male, such as the life as Connor, Middle East, Paxel and Dot. In this life, for whatever reason, the masculine aspect of my soul decided to separate and remain in the ether and as a result I’m female. It is never romantic between David and I.

SO, after years of searching, how did I find Nicki? Through a dating app. David Wilson actually told me to go on there and search transgender. I had done this in 2013 and had no luck, but this time, April 2016, I looked and WHAM, I saw a picture of a radiant soul who I knew the moment I saw was NICKI. My rational mind talked me out of this, though. No, no, no, Jehey. You are making this all up in your head. This is not Nicki and she’ll think you are crazy if you message her and proclaim such. The things I knew about Nicki from other lives were that she is normally white (Only in two life times she is darker which are the Middle Eastern life and Ethiopian) and that she is 4 years younger than me, she wears glasses, she is taller than me, she is smart and nerdy, an atheist, but was raised in the church, away from her family because we are always each others family and I intuitively knew that she was a coder in this life and didn’t do any drugs like pot smoking and was into anime. I went on this person’s profile and saw that she was 27 (4 years younger) and a nerdy, tech savvy woman who coded for a career and living publicly as trans (not hiding it). I couldn’t believe it. I closed my laptop and walked away. Nope, it was too good to be true. After all this time, could I have actually found her? I think I slept on it and the next day I went on the app again looking through all of the profiles that came up trying to find someone else who looked like Nicki and had the same things on my checklist to indicate it was her. There was NO ONE ELSE. Eventually, I decided to message her saying I was interested in learning to code. I was and am, but really it was a segue into a conversation with her. She responded a few hours later saying she was headed to comic con and would follow up with me when she got back. I about lost it...she is into anime! She was in Victoria BC, too. I knew when I moved to Vancouver I had felt closer to her.

We continued talking, I went to Victoria BC to see her and -I’m going to tell on myself- I was STRESSED. I didn’t sleep the whole night before and I had injured my back. The time I was there I felt like I was rambling, couldn’t open doors, didn’t make eye contact and just felt like a pain. Once I got back to Vancouver I was hard on myself, our first meeting had been ruined by me and my idiotic behavior. I had to apologize for being such a boob. Her response to my apology was ah-mazing; it was the most loving thing “There's no hiding how wonderful you are and there was no way I could miss it.” I think I about died after reading that and my spirit guides had to resuscitate me. It made everything okay. We’ve been seeing and talking to each other ever since., albeit, with some pauses. Why? The most beautiful soul in my Universe is bipolar which isn’t something I was expecting; however, it is not just accepted but also appreciate and celebrated because it is part of what makes her her in this life. I knew something was contributing to the delay of us finding each other and this is it. The unresponsive movements definitely have delayed things. The thing is though, I asked Spirit for someone who doesn’t speak all the time.. One of my biggest complains when dating women is they talk too much. I’m not a talker. I love SILENCE and stillness. One of the reasons I’ve been opposed to long term relationships is the fear that I’ll have to talk all the time, like everyday and I’m someone who just doesn’t feel talkative 70% of the time. I know how that might sound... weird, hey? I just really needed someone who understands that when I don’t talk to you one day, it isn’t because I’m upset, I just prefer to be silent. The lovey dovey stuff of wanting to do everything together and see each other everyday is draining to me and not something I’ve wanted. Even though it is tough for her in those moments of unresponsiveness, it is just another aspect about her that is in harmony with me.

What’s next? I’m not completely sure. We are just letting things naturally play out and I’m still polyamorous. I have told her that I believe her to be Nicki, my primary soulmate. I have shared my thoughts on the past lives, even though she is an atheist, she doesn’t reject what I say and instead graciously listens to me. She’s even apologized for ignoring me as K-nine in one of the future lives. How could she be any better? Who else would listen to someone who is sharing a story they think is their overactive imagination and apologize? A Canadian for one…lol and the one and only Nicki. Because her life has revolved around me in the past and I feel like I’ve messed up her lives in previous encounters, I’m very conscientious of respecting her life choices and pace. The last thing I’d want is for her to become enveloped in my life and my pursuits and neglect her own. The only thing we differ on is kids. I honestly feel like one of the reasons I chose to be female in this life was so that we could have kids together, not by someone else like I’ve done in prior lives. She did become a mother at 15 as Nicki and that might also be why she is opposed to kids. After Janiel and Peter were born EVERYTHING was about them and I remember an argument when she is in her latter 20s when she comes home late one night and I have no idea where she has been, but she'd snuck out and went to the opera because she needed a break. This is also around the time she is thinking of leaving me because she's not happy. Who knows what will happen between NIcki and I in this life (and no her name isn't Nicki in this life) all I know is I’m open and committed to finding out.

Thanks for reading. There is a lot more I’m not sharing in order to keep this posting short-ish and respect privacy. More will come this year, for that I am sure. Hurray!